Okay yeah I am. I am afraid of going through with this, but I believe its what I need to do at this point.
I have a lot of “what ifs”…
I feel like a 40 year old with a childish level of paranoia.
What if they open up my arm it’s like “Oops” we were wrong, the nerve isn’t pinched there.
What if after they put me under general anesthesia I have these freaky dreams like in Vanila Sky, or I simply just don’t wake up at all?
What if the surgery ends up causing more harm than good?
To counter all of the above I thought… What if I ended up losing use of my hands as I get older because I didn’t try to fix this problem in its early stages when I had a chance. This is why I decided to finally go through with it.
I spent the majority of my day at work and sitting in my training class. After which I went to pick up my youngest son from day camp. I took him to McDonald’s for a happy meal and shake, and then took myself for a manicure and spa pedicure just do something a little nice myself. I figured since I won’t be able to use my right hand for a while that it might be a good thing to do. Tonight I’ll make sure I get in all my blog entries and take a couple photos of my hand and arm presurgery.
I will make sure that I get in a lot of quality time with Bandit, my German Shepherd who has definitely been my best friend through all of this. It makes me sad to know that I will have to spend at least a few days away from him, just in case he accidentally bumps or hurts my hand or over matter surgery.
I will miss him very much. I also have a ton of laundry to do, but that’s nothing new.
They scheduled my surgery for 3:30 in the afternoon on Thursday, July 21, but ask me to arrive at 2:15 PM. I decided to go into work for a half day, just to help keep my mind off things. I will probably leave work at noon, go visit my father for about one hour, then proceed to the outpatient center where they’re going to perform my surgery.
I installed some pretty nifty voice recognition software that has been helping me write, so hopefully one to two days after my surgery I’ll be back at my computer and post an update and share how things went.
(I have not proof read or spell checked this yet so if its bad, blame it on my voice recognition software 🙂 )